Friday, March 30, 2007

on the cusp of change?

Friday, March 30, 2007
[written yesterday]

i feel some strangeness seeping into me. like - the strangeness of change. i watched oprah yesterday [wednesday]. she had the dinner of a lifetime for sydney poitier and 7 guests. a touching event. frought with emotional and spiritual intensity. i am feeling this .... thing in me ... this thing that senses what others do not ... that senses what, physically cannot be senses. it grows ever stronger. the tears of another -- quickly become mine.



when i spend these tiny periods of solitude, i discover little bits of myself. like ... why people intimidate me so. being around them ... i find so overwhelming. i feel every molecule ... every electrical impulse from every cell. i feel their very essence and core. i am beginning to feel as though nursing denuded my soul by causing this .... sensory thing that lives inside me .... to explode exponentially inside me.

this thing ... its so very underdeveloped and immature. the feelings that manifest themselves in my sensing ... they get tangled up .... imagine a large, matted clump of hair. and for those of us with a long, wild mane, imagine how painfully slow, delicate and difficult de-matting this clump becomes ... as it grows.



i must read about the emperors in antarctica.

i cannot focus. maybe the emperors will help

post signature


9 comments:

Infinitesimal said...

post traumatic stress disorder?


just throwing that out there.

love the pics!

the.red.mantissa said...

aren't the pics splendid!

PTSD. no doubt. but this thing ... its like a sort of 6th sense that's growing ... i think you have it too, doncha? that thing where you feel people ....

Infinitesimal said...

yeah, i have it too...

where did i ask you about your skirt size??

gotta track that down...

Anonymous said...

hey! this change sounds like the beginning of an adventure! i like flight of the red bird. nice to be home right!? sending you something.

-chickory

Mayden' s Voyage said...

The gentless here is soothing...thank you-
I needed it more than I can tell you~
-me :)

the.red.mantissa said...

love love love you all and this place ... have missed is oh so much. and have thought of y'all.

infini - have had a series of wierd sensing/not-quite-psychic surreal experiences lately - it all makes me think of you. i wonder, do you find this wierd, special 'sensing' ability .... sometimes difficult to live with?

would like to know how you handle it ... and all the energies, senses you get from others. email me sometime when you get a chance.

please excuse my tardy replies to you .... (can you hear the breathless panting .... lol?)

thinking of you ... mayden - still have that little somethin to send you ... have not forgotten. email me and tell me how you're doing, girl!

love to you all

pssst - gary, if you are out there .... i have not forgotten about you either ... bear with me?

a wonderful easter to all, but i hope to make a new post before then!

love love love ....

roxanne

Infinitesimal said...

it IS weird

like

when she took the blood for the thyroid test?

I instantly knew the results.

my thyroid is perfectly normal.

and i knew it.

so yeah, i will email you tomorrow night how about?

i gotta meanwhile try to figure out what is up with this massive fatigue.

xdell said it is age

YIKES!!!!!!!

Infinitesimal said...

oh

PS

how i handle it:

for the most part, an this is good advice:

I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!!!!!

the.red.mantissa said...

oh ... wow. then it is some unresolved thing manifesting itself physically ... some energy demanding to get dealt with ... or some degree of burnout or depression.

those are my thoughts.

love,

me


good advice. for the most part, i got no one to tell ... but still, it makes one feel wierd ... to get these sensations/premonitions. it sort of makes me 'afraid' of people, this ability. that's what i come to learn lately.

wierd ... i know.