Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A Prayer For Us All

Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I used a picture taken by a dear friend of mine [who wishes to receive credit only as public domain] as the inspiration for this piece. This photo ~taken in Vancouver's Downtown East Side ~ really depicts a piece of graffiti with an wonderful sentiment. Keep us safe and sound. Made by me using GIMP, brushes courtesy of Obsidian Dawn. Click the image for full-size view.


Sunday, May 24, 2009

New Moon in May

Sunday, May 24, 2009
Image by ftourini [deviantART]

This month's new moon encourages us to transcend the fog of information, and its inherent conflicts, and to rise above the crumbling structures of present-day reality. As the unilluminated side of the moon faces earth, we find that we can derive different meanings from the stories occuring around us, depending on the lense through which we look. It's a good time to change our minds, to increase our mental flexibility, to liberate ourselves from our oppressive monkey minds. Stop thinking and just be!

If we focus on balance, on synchronicity, and on the human element we can reduce or eliminate our anxiety about not knowing what will happen next. This month, focus on rising above the minutia of daily material existence, toward the person, toward dignity, toward compassion. Free yourself from stuff-ism, from sinking into the small stuff, and/or from judgement: by giving, by sharing, by understanding ~ through gratitude and humility.


Thursday, May 21, 2009

Fears ~ What are they?

Thursday, May 21, 2009
Photo taken by me in SW England, 2008
  • The underlying foundations of a weak self-image and self-concept ~ they keep us from fully asserting ourselves, and hinder our quest of self-actualization.
  • Inhibitors, emotional blocks, unconscious messages, uncovered elements of our psychological make up ~ they result in our resistance, hesitation and/or unwillingness to participate in nurturing and healing activities.
  • Excuses we hide behind to avoid growth or change
  • Irrational beliefs
  • Negative self-scripts we have given ourselves or that were given  us about how we will suffer dire consequences if we involve ourselves in certain activities or behaviours.
Fears have plagued me, of late. Silly, ridiculous fears which create inertia and stagnation. So much opportunity lies at my feet, I just need to grab hold and plant myself there! But there's that old fear of crossing that bridge which spans the ravine. I have tried to tell myself every excuse why I should refrain from reinstating my RN license ... and return to work part-time in my beloved profession. None of these excuses stands up under scrutiny. I have skill, I have passion and patience. I know that I was a great nurse, and can be that again. You can take the girl out of the nurse, but you can't take the nurse out of the girl. I have heard whispers of the universe telling me to take that leap, swallow the fear, embrace opportunity and growth.

And, so I will take heed.

"Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood."
~Marie Curie

**Note to Readers ~ On a topic entirely unrelated to this post ... Please take the time to visit my friend Mayden's Blog and read her latest post. It's beautiful and divinely written.**


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Your Assignment by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Wednesday, May 20, 2009
I assign you to be a beautiful, good, kind, awakened, soulful person, a true work of art as we say, ser humano, a true human being. In a world filled with so much darkness, such a soul shines like gold; can be seen from a far distance; is dramatically different.

Want to help? Show your deepest most divine self to the world. There is nothing more rare, more strange, more needed. Why would you wait? Not worthy? Oh piffle. Not ready? Okay, so when? Next lifetime? Don't be silly with me about this. Inferiority complex? Okay, let me put it this way to you: you're not good enough to think you're not good enough. And you can
quote me to yourself whenever you have need... Dr. Estes said so.

Have you forgotten that you made promises to your Beloved before you ever came to earth? The time to fulfill these is truly now. You want to cease feeling helpless, and you want to help the aching world? Serve someone and something. Everyone on earth serves someone and something. This means being your truest self now, fulfilling the promises you made to heaven long ago.

Anything you do from the soulful self will help lighten the burdens of the world. Anything. You have no idea what the smallest word, the tiniest generosity can cause to be set in motion. Be outrageous in forgiving. Be dramatic in reconciling. Mistakes? Back up and make them as right as you can, then move on. Be off the charts in kindness. In whatever you are called to, strive to be devoted to it in all aspects large and small. Fall short? Try again. Mastery is made in increments, not in leaps. Be brave, be fierce, be visionary. Mend the parts of the world that are "within your reach." To strive to live this way is the most dramatic gift you can ever give to the world.

Consider yourselves assigned.

The restless uneasiness in my heart dissipated when I read this passage, which I found while  blog surfing. It applies every moment. It's what I need, in order to survive and thrive the monumental changes that loom in my not-too-distance future.


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Wishcasting Wednesday ~ Wishes for my Higher Self

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

This week's Wish Prompt ~ What does your highest self wish for?

My highest self wishes to express itself more fully.
It wishes to follow the light, and transcend my ego. 
It wishes to continue capturing and sharing 
the joy and beauty of the world around me. 
It wishes to completely embrace forgiveness and tolerance. 
It wishes to embrace patience more fully. 
My higher self wishes to share with others knowledge and compassion, 
empowerment and healing.
Photo ~ taken by me, grounds of VAG


Anger and the Art of Healing

Acceptance begins with acceptance of the feelings of grief. That means letting them flow through you ~ finding the resolve to make your cross lighter to carry. ... Dig underneath. Go gently, but do go deeper. What's there? Where does it belong?

In response to a previous post on depression and healing, Blisschick commented, I think that it's important that we allow our anger, though, especially at the beginning of healing. Yes, we must acknowledge anger. But, we must take care what we do with this anger. Thoughts of revenge, restitution, or desires to spread the misery serve no purpose, and in fact poison our healing quest. Acting out of anger, making decisions rooted in anger, projecting your anger onto others all thwart the healing process, which aims at restoring equilibrium.

I struggled terribly against becoming my emotions. Anger, included. At the height of my anger, I would feel alomst possessed by it. Revenge became a form of emotional self-gratification for me. As though deliberately bring suffering unto someone else would reduce or eliminate my own! When I began accepting that the particular offense occured, and that stewing about it would not advance my emotional cause, anger no longer possessed me.

Providing no resistance to the feeling flowing through me ~ observing it, only ~ also made a huge difference. I find I get angry far less now, that I make a point of trying to consider the offending situation from all perspectives, ie beyond my own. This removes the inclination to judge or lay blame. It turns the focus back to me ~ What's there? Where does it belong?

Two internal actions that I engage in, to avoid becoming my intense anger or grief:
1. Acceptance of reality ~ ie the end of a relationship, death, abuse. Placing focus on responding to the new reality, as opposed to its existence.
2. Taking on only the emotional baggage that belongs to me ~ ie. if one family member chooses against attending a family gathering because of my presence, well, that's their problem, not mine.

Nothing but compassionate attention and time can alleviate the pain of anger. And humility ~ which enables us to accept, and remember that what we think we want does not always provide us what we need.


Monday, May 18, 2009

Victoria Day and Thoughts of Love

Monday, May 18, 2009

My English Mosaic ~ all pictures taken by me in SW England last year

It's Victoria Day here in Canada. Since England has dominated my thoughts of late, it seems appropriate to share some of the photographs I took there, last year. It's a lovely place ~ picturesque, with lots of character and history. Someone I love dearly lives there, and I hope to return--.

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.”

 “One day You will take my heart completely and make it more fiery than a dragon. Your eyelashes will write on my heart the poem that could never come from the pen of a poet.”


Enjoy your week. I will continue writing about depression, because I have far more to add to my previous post. Writing 50-word stories has absorbed much of my attention of late. Check them out ~ they have their own blog, link to which appears at the top of this page.


Saturday, May 16, 2009

Depression and the Art of Healing

Saturday, May 16, 2009
What does depression feel like? 
Years ago, when I asked my sister, who's suffered depression episodes that sent her to the crisis unit, what depression felt like to her, she answered, It feels like I'm in the pits of hell. To me, it doesn't feel like I'm in the pits of hell, it feels like I am the pits of hell. The grief demon possesses me, I become his prisoner. At some point, destroying myself seems like a way to survive the anguish. In a nutshell, that's my experience of depression.

Now, let's move on. Think about healing.

What does healing look and feel like? How do we achieve it?
Healing is not a process through which we seek validation or approval for our grief. It's not what we do to make ourselves feel better about feeling lousy. It's about attending to the grief and loss we feel ~ embracing it. Never mind if its right or wrong to feel what you feel. Just feel. And have compassion and patience with yourself as you stay present with your feelings.

Pain occurs to alert us to some sort of disequilibrium. It's meant to spur us to seek healing. Healing requires me to change my perspective, to engage. I'm not a shattered glass that requires piecing together. I am a walking wounded, in need of emotional and spiritual debridement. I must debride my wounds, the scar tissue of which, stifles and starves my growth and renewal. Things have happened to me to get me to this point, and so I must happen to things in order to forge ahead into the light.

Healing teaches us why we feel the way we do, and we learn healthy responses to those feelings that help us restore equilibrium. Resisting pain increases its intensity. Think of the skier tumbling down the slope ~ using muscle tension to resist the fall increases the severity of injuries sustained in said fall. Acceptance begins with acceptance of the feelings of grief. That means letting them flow through you ~ finding the resolve to make your cross lighter to carry.

At this point it has nothing to do with who or what gave you this cross, or with any notion of restitution for your suffering. It has only to do with self care ~ what must you do to remain present to your grief without feeling swallowed whole? Don't deny yourself. Be kind to yourself. Don't pity yourself. Feel. Be. Stay. You are your most crucial witness. Do not spread your misery around for self-gratification. Remember debridement ~ we must remove necrotic tissue from the wound, or the limb will eventually die from ischemia. Despair must never triumph! Find grace. Be grace.

Dig underneath. Go gently, but do go deeper. What's there? Where does it belong?


Thursday, May 14, 2009

Winged Night Hope

Thursday, May 14, 2009
**FYI ~ I moved all of the 50-word story posts to their own blog.**

Winged night flight,
breath-taking and bold.
I shiver, in the darkness,
to a preternatural sight,
in the light of 
a gilded harvest moon. 
A golden gossamer dream
sweeps swiftly
across an indigo sky;
Gripping hope
in her tightly curled talons.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Wishcasting Wednesday ~ Wishes for Connection

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

This week's Wish Prompt ~ What do You Wish to Connect to?

I wish to connect to my Self, in my quest to just BE.
I wish to connect to what lurks within my heart, beneath the cobwebs of apprehension and doubt.
I wish to connect to my surroundings through my daily photography project.
I wish to connect to bliss, to humility and to forgiveness.
I wish to connect to humanity ~ to the collective human soul and spirit.
I wish to connect to the creative endeavours which I've begun.

I wish to connect to discipline, particularly in times of chaos and vulnerability.
I wish to connect to my parents, in ways I've yet to connect. As they age, I find myself reaching more and more for a connection with them that will transcend the finite, physical world.
I wish to connect more with Mum & Dad on the phone ~ I do miss my long talks with mummy.
I wish to continue my wonderful connection with my cat, Miss Meow. She's truly a healer for my spirit.
I wish ~ my heart wishes ~ to connect to the heart of a certain Pilot.
I wish to connect more fully to my marriage, and the partner with which I share this marriage skin.

[PSSSsst ~ I've started a 50-word story blog]


Guardian of The Threshold ~ Invitation to Poetry # 35

Every so often, Abbey of the Arts hosts a poetry invitation. She posts a picture and a theme and invites anyone to respond with poems, reflections, prose. Check the icon for more info. Read my submission below.

~ Note: I've chosen another picture, rather than use the picture Christine provided in her 35th poetry invitation. ~

Broken dreams of my ego
lay strewn at her feet ~
heaps of salt in the desert.


Saturday, May 09, 2009

Full Moon Dreamers ~ May Flower Moon

Saturday, May 09, 2009
Full Moon Dreamboards ~ a creative way to express what we wish to manifest in a particular month. Each month has a name, a this becomes the theme or inspiration for the dreamboard. For more on Full Moon Dreamboards, visit Jamie's site.

Full Flower Moon ~ May ~ The abundance of flowers at this time of year inspired the name for this moon, also know as the Full Milk Moon or the Full Corn Planting Moon.

This month Jamie asks us,  "What seeds will you plant this month? What do you want to bloom, with this flower moon?" 

I spotted May's full moon late Friday night. It hung in the sky, between the trees, like a silvery orb. As I stood in my driveway, in front of my tripod and gazing at the moon through my camera's lense, I could just feel her vibrant energy.

She did indeed appear to blossom in the night sky, casting a lovely glow on the blossom petals which carpeted the earth. In the distance, I spot a sea of blossom petals on the ground; each petal, a droplet which nature has released to make way for the sweet fruits of summer.

I wish to cultivate more compassion and grace in my heart.
I wish to capture the magic and flavour of each moment, the serenity and spirit of my surroundings, the colour and character of each day and bottle these for later use.
I wish to nurture and grow the seeds of inspiration that have germinated inside me.
I wish for my current creative endeavours to continue bearing fruit.
I wish for love, patience, acceptance, grace and humility to blossom within my heart and soul.


Thursday, May 07, 2009

... I Shall Drink it and Always Be Full

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Once upon a midnight drearie
I woke with something in my head
I couldn't escape the memory
Of a phone call and of what you said
Like a game show contestant with a parting gift
I could not believe my eyes
When I saw through the voice of a trusted friend
Who needs to humour me and tell me lies
Yeah humour me and tell me lies
And I'll lie too and say I don't mind
And as we seek so shall we find
And when you're feeling open I'll still be here
But not without a certain degree of fear
Of what will be with you and me
I still can see things hopefully

But you
Why you wanna give me a run-around
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up
When all it does is slow me down

And shake me and my confidence
About a great many things
But I've been there I can see it cower
Like a nervous magician waiting in the wings
Of a bad play where the heroes are right
And nobody thinks or expects too much
And Hollywood's calling for the movie rights
Singing hey babe let's keep in touch
Hey baby let's keep in touch
But I want more than a touch I want you to reach me
And show me all the things no one else can see
So what you feel becomes mine as well
And soon if we're lucky we'd be unable to tell
What's yours and mine the fishing's fine
And it doesn't have to rhyme so don't you feed me a line


Tra la la la la bomba dear this is the pilot speaking
And I've got some news for you
It seems my ship still stands no matter what you drop
And there ain't a whole lot that you can do
Oh sure the banner may be torn and the wind's gotten colder
Perhaps I've grown a little cynical
But I know no matter what the waitress brings
I shall drink in and always be full
My cup shall always be full

Oh I like coffee
And I like tea
I'd like to be able to enter a final plea
I still got this dream that you just can't shake
I love you to the point you can no longer take
Well all right okay
So be that way
I hope and pray
That there's something left to say

[refrain] x 2

~ Blues Traveller


AHHHH ~ Classical Gas

~take a listen to an awesome piece of music!~



Monday, May 04, 2009

Requiem for a Sunflower

Monday, May 04, 2009

Withered, weary
leaves begin melting
into autumn's embrace;
shoulders drooped,
heavy head now stooped,
she releases her petals,
they descend ~ floating 
 above an icy morning mist.
Her seeds extricate themselves
from their cloister.
Her crumpled and golden chalice,
now fully emptied.
Oh, poverty, what bliss!

photo: Christine Valter Paintner
poetry: Roxanne Galpin


Saturday, May 02, 2009

On Being Roxanne

Saturday, May 02, 2009
I have 465 published posts in this blog. These posts date back to January 2006, when I first began blogging. Those who have stuck with me since those early days will know what a restless creature I am, in trying to forge my Self. I started out as graffitti artist, then became whispering forest nymph, then mad malva blue, then velvet acid tongue or velvet acid explosion, then the pink reefer, then the red mantissa, then frizzy scissorhands, then wulfine, and now ... now I have come home. I am me ~ Roxanne Galpin, aka tinkerbell the bipolar faerie. I post my picture, my full name, and my geographic location. Why not? What have I to hide? Nothing, as in transparent. That's why I am home. No longer do I conjure up an image of some person that I wish I was. I can now just Be Roxanne. What bliss! My H-Factor rises.

One of my favourite bloggers from those early days left me this comment a few weeks ago ~ ”how come you keep reinventing yourself????????????? be content with one blog name; one avatar; one message!!!!” Well put, Ardlair. My response to him? “We are many.”

I have felt like an onion these past few years. Continuously peeling away a layer, only to find another one, obscuring this thing, this treasure, I seek. And so, I have expended much time and energy and effort peeling away a layer, existing within that layer for a time, and then peeling it back, and repeating the same cycle over again.

Each time, I’ve gotten closer to the truth. Each time, I’ve come closer to realizing the truth ~ ... Read the entire post.

[Cross-posted from H-Factor Chronicles.]


Friday, May 01, 2009

Rumpled Sheets

Friday, May 01, 2009

On the wings of veiled dreams 
I glide into a new day.
Sunlight, streams through
pregnant apple blossoms,
Golden shafts of light
flutter upon
these rumpled sheets
that held us, 
through a stormy and ebony night ~
our amniotic sac,
the colour of golden wheat,
and scented with the sweet, earthiness
of life forged in eksatis.

Poetry Credit: Roxanne Galpin