Friday, June 12, 2009
Tags: just for fun, meme, questionnaire, questions
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Tags: invitation to poetry # 6, longing, loss, poetry, poetry party, relationships
Sunday, June 07, 2009
The vast majority of humans, however, remain oblivious to the ugly truth, living instead within a virtual simulation of the late 20th century which the machines have created to oppress the people and keep them unaware. A few humans have become 'unplugged' and work toward liberating their race. They call themselves Zionists, and they await the prophesied coming of a chosen one ~ a man who can move through and transcend the matrix. Neo has always sensed something strange about the world he sees. He seeks to know the mysterious thing called the matrix. He finds out. He reacts with incredulity and disbelief when told he is the chosen one.
As I watched Neo's very traumatic awakening into the ugliness of the true world from the false reality of the matrix, and deliverance from his pod to the Zionist hovercraft, I could not help thinking of the similarity to birth and death, as we know it. I pondered birth and death (both of which I have witnessed, by the way) and then, suddenly these seemed ~ on a cosmic plane ~ like the same transformation of a Self. You may disagree, because of your perception of birth as a gain, and death as a loss.
But, I'm not thinking of from the crude material perspective. I'm considering it from the cosmic, spiritual perspective. Ponder, for a moment. Physical birth ~ arriving into this worldly existence by passing through tiny a visceral canal. And then death ~ I imagine it as travelling from this worldly existence by passing through a spiritual or cosmic canal. This only occurred to me when watching the visual of Neo's awakening. Did Neo's awakening mean his birth, or his death? Both, I believe.
At a later point in the film, Trinity (one of the Zionists) says to Neo, “the Matrix cannot tell you who you are.” Aha! That's a differentiation to make, isn't it? Do we feel satisfied sufficiently with the fact of our material existence? Don't we also need meaning to illuminate the painting of our existence? I pondered this question two years ago, in a post I wrote about The Matrix. However, just today, during this recent viewing, something resonated within me. Something that I felt when I read the following, which I received via email in today's daily meditation, written by Richard Rohr.
The historical figure, Jesus of Nazareth, moved beyond any confinement in space and time and became Light Itself, which we now know from astrophysics is omnipresent in the universe and its speed is the ultimate measure of all things. ... One could even say that in Christ, God and Light have become the same. And nobody on this earth can control the light. It goes where it goes— instantaneously.
So, the Matrix, being the contrived, material world, cannot tell us 'who we are.' Then, perhaps we find out through the light of God? Does the flat, obscure and meaningless painting of our existence become transformed through Christ? Yes, because our true meaning of Self lies in the fact that God created each of us, for a purpose. In his book, New Seeds of Contemplation, Thomas Merton writes that faith provides a vehicle through which we can fully possess God, who fills us with His infinite Light. "God Himself becomes the Light of the darkened soul ... And at this inexplicable moment the deepest night becomes day ..." Merton also writes, "I must learn to 'leave myself' in order to find myself by yielding to the love of God." Death and birth point to the same transformative process, don't they?
Tags: cosmic christ, neo - the chosen one, richard rohr, the matrix, thomas merton
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Tags: dtes, GIMP, graffiti, prayer, vancouver
Sunday, May 24, 2009
This month's new moon encourages us to transcend the fog of information, and its inherent conflicts, and to rise above the crumbling structures of present-day reality. As the unilluminated side of the moon faces earth, we find that we can derive different meanings from the stories occuring around us, depending on the lense through which we look. It's a good time to change our minds, to increase our mental flexibility, to liberate ourselves from our oppressive monkey minds. Stop thinking and just be!
If we focus on balance, on synchronicity, and on the human element we can reduce or eliminate our anxiety about not knowing what will happen next. This month, focus on rising above the minutia of daily material existence, toward the person, toward dignity, toward compassion. Free yourself from stuff-ism, from sinking into the small stuff, and/or from judgement: by giving, by sharing, by understanding ~ through gratitude and humility.
Tags: liberation, may, new moon, synchronicity
Thursday, May 21, 2009
- The underlying foundations of a weak self-image and self-concept ~ they keep us from fully asserting ourselves, and hinder our quest of self-actualization.
- Inhibitors, emotional blocks, unconscious messages, uncovered elements of our psychological make up ~ they result in our resistance, hesitation and/or unwillingness to participate in nurturing and healing activities.
- Excuses we hide behind to avoid growth or change
- Irrational beliefs
- Negative self-scripts we have given ourselves or that were given us about how we will suffer dire consequences if we involve ourselves in certain activities or behaviours.
And, so I will take heed.
**Note to Readers ~ On a topic entirely unrelated to this post ... Please take the time to visit my friend Mayden's Blog and read her latest post. It's beautiful and divinely written.**
Tags: fear, personal growth, progression
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Want to help? Show your deepest most divine self to the world. There is nothing more rare, more strange, more needed. Why would you wait? Not worthy? Oh piffle. Not ready? Okay, so when? Next lifetime? Don't be silly with me about this. Inferiority complex? Okay, let me put it this way to you: you're not good enough to think you're not good enough. And you can
quote me to yourself whenever you have need... Dr. Estes said so.
Have you forgotten that you made promises to your Beloved before you ever came to earth? The time to fulfill these is truly now. You want to cease feeling helpless, and you want to help the aching world? Serve someone and something. Everyone on earth serves someone and something. This means being your truest self now, fulfilling the promises you made to heaven long ago.
Anything you do from the soulful self will help lighten the burdens of the world. Anything. You have no idea what the smallest word, the tiniest generosity can cause to be set in motion. Be outrageous in forgiving. Be dramatic in reconciling. Mistakes? Back up and make them as right as you can, then move on. Be off the charts in kindness. In whatever you are called to, strive to be devoted to it in all aspects large and small. Fall short? Try again. Mastery is made in increments, not in leaps. Be brave, be fierce, be visionary. Mend the parts of the world that are "within your reach." To strive to live this way is the most dramatic gift you can ever give to the world.
Consider yourselves assigned.
The restless uneasiness in my heart dissipated when I read this passage, which I found while blog surfing. It applies every moment. It's what I need, in order to survive and thrive the monumental changes that loom in my not-too-distance future.
Tags: clarissa pinkola estes, higher self, Thoughtful
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Tags: higher self, wishcasting wednesday
In response to a previous post on depression and healing, Blisschick commented, I think that it's important that we allow our anger, though, especially at the beginning of healing. Yes, we must acknowledge anger. But, we must take care what we do with this anger. Thoughts of revenge, restitution, or desires to spread the misery serve no purpose, and in fact poison our healing quest. Acting out of anger, making decisions rooted in anger, projecting your anger onto others all thwart the healing process, which aims at restoring equilibrium.
I struggled terribly against becoming my emotions. Anger, included. At the height of my anger, I would feel alomst possessed by it. Revenge became a form of emotional self-gratification for me. As though deliberately bring suffering unto someone else would reduce or eliminate my own! When I began accepting that the particular offense occured, and that stewing about it would not advance my emotional cause, anger no longer possessed me.
Providing no resistance to the feeling flowing through me ~ observing it, only ~ also made a huge difference. I find I get angry far less now, that I make a point of trying to consider the offending situation from all perspectives, ie beyond my own. This removes the inclination to judge or lay blame. It turns the focus back to me ~ What's there? Where does it belong?
Two internal actions that I engage in, to avoid becoming my intense anger or grief:
1. Acceptance of reality ~ ie the end of a relationship, death, abuse. Placing focus on responding to the new reality, as opposed to its existence.
2. Taking on only the emotional baggage that belongs to me ~ ie. if one family member chooses against attending a family gathering because of my presence, well, that's their problem, not mine.
Nothing but compassionate attention and time can alleviate the pain of anger. And humility ~ which enables us to accept, and remember that what we think we want does not always provide us what we need.
Tags: depression, healing, Thoughtful
Monday, May 18, 2009
It's Victoria Day here in Canada. Since England has dominated my thoughts of late, it seems appropriate to share some of the photographs I took there, last year. It's a lovely place ~ picturesque, with lots of character and history. Someone I love dearly lives there, and I hope to return--.
Enjoy your week. I will continue writing about depression, because I have far more to add to my previous post. Writing 50-word stories has absorbed much of my attention of late. Check them out ~ they have their own blog, link to which appears at the top of this page.
Tags: England, love, mosaic, pilot, rumi
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Years ago, when I asked my sister, who's suffered depression episodes that sent her to the crisis unit, what depression felt like to her, she answered, It feels like I'm in the pits of hell. To me, it doesn't feel like I'm in the pits of hell, it feels like I am the pits of hell. The grief demon possesses me, I become his prisoner. At some point, destroying myself seems like a way to survive the anguish. In a nutshell, that's my experience of depression.
Now, let's move on. Think about healing.
Pain occurs to alert us to some sort of disequilibrium. It's meant to spur us to seek healing. Healing requires me to change my perspective, to engage. I'm not a shattered glass that requires piecing together. I am a walking wounded, in need of emotional and spiritual debridement. I must debride my wounds, the scar tissue of which, stifles and starves my growth and renewal. Things have happened to me to get me to this point, and so I must happen to things in order to forge ahead into the light.
Healing teaches us why we feel the way we do, and we learn healthy responses to those feelings that help us restore equilibrium. Resisting pain increases its intensity. Think of the skier tumbling down the slope ~ using muscle tension to resist the fall increases the severity of injuries sustained in said fall. Acceptance begins with acceptance of the feelings of grief. That means letting them flow through you ~ finding the resolve to make your cross lighter to carry.
At this point it has nothing to do with who or what gave you this cross, or with any notion of restitution for your suffering. It has only to do with self care ~ what must you do to remain present to your grief without feeling swallowed whole? Don't deny yourself. Be kind to yourself. Don't pity yourself. Feel. Be. Stay. You are your most crucial witness. Do not spread your misery around for self-gratification. Remember debridement ~ we must remove necrotic tissue from the wound, or the limb will eventually die from ischemia. Despair must never triumph! Find grace. Be grace.
Dig underneath. Go gently, but do go deeper. What's there? Where does it belong?
Tags: depression, grief, healing, self
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Tags: hope, invitation to poetry # 5, night, poetry, poetry party, wings
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I wish to connect to my Self, in my quest to just BE.
I wish to connect to what lurks within my heart, beneath the cobwebs of apprehension and doubt.
I wish to connect to my surroundings through my daily photography project.
I wish to connect to bliss, to humility and to forgiveness.
I wish to connect to humanity ~ to the collective human soul and spirit.
I wish to connect to the creative endeavours which I've begun.
I wish to connect to discipline, particularly in times of chaos and vulnerability.
I wish to connect to my parents, in ways I've yet to connect. As they age, I find myself reaching more and more for a connection with them that will transcend the finite, physical world.
I wish to connect more with Mum & Dad on the phone ~ I do miss my long talks with mummy.
I wish to continue my wonderful connection with my cat, Miss Meow. She's truly a healer for my spirit.
I wish ~ my heart wishes ~ to connect to the heart of a certain Pilot.
I wish to connect more fully to my marriage, and the partner with which I share this marriage skin.
Tags: connect, wishcasting wednesday, wishes, wishes for connecting
~ Note: I've chosen another picture, rather than use the picture Christine provided in her 35th poetry invitation. ~
Tags: guardian of the threshold, invitation to poetry # 35, poetry, queen of my heart
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Full Flower Moon ~ May ~ The abundance of flowers at this time of year inspired the name for this moon, also know as the Full Milk Moon or the Full Corn Planting Moon.
This month Jamie asks us, "What seeds will you plant this month? What do you want to bloom, with this flower moon?"
I spotted May's full moon late Friday night. It hung in the sky, between the trees, like a silvery orb. As I stood in my driveway, in front of my tripod and gazing at the moon through my camera's lense, I could just feel her vibrant energy.
She did indeed appear to blossom in the night sky, casting a lovely glow on the blossom petals which carpeted the earth. In the distance, I spot a sea of blossom petals on the ground; each petal, a droplet which nature has released to make way for the sweet fruits of summer.
I wish to cultivate more compassion and grace in my heart.
I wish to capture the magic and flavour of each moment, the serenity and spirit of my surroundings, the colour and character of each day and bottle these for later use.
I wish to nurture and grow the seeds of inspiration that have germinated inside me.
I wish for my current creative endeavours to continue bearing fruit.
I wish for love, patience, acceptance, grace and humility to blossom within my heart and soul.
Tags: full flower moon, full moon dreamers, may
Thursday, May 07, 2009
Once upon a midnight drearie
I woke with something in my head
I couldn't escape the memory
Of a phone call and of what you said
Like a game show contestant with a parting gift
I could not believe my eyes
When I saw through the voice of a trusted friend
Who needs to humour me and tell me lies
Yeah humour me and tell me lies
And I'll lie too and say I don't mind
And as we seek so shall we find
And when you're feeling open I'll still be here
But not without a certain degree of fear
Of what will be with you and me
I still can see things hopefully
Why you wanna give me a run-around
Is it a sure-fire way to speed things up
When all it does is slow me down
And shake me and my confidence
About a great many things
But I've been there I can see it cower
Like a nervous magician waiting in the wings
Of a bad play where the heroes are right
And nobody thinks or expects too much
And Hollywood's calling for the movie rights
Singing hey babe let's keep in touch
Hey baby let's keep in touch
But I want more than a touch I want you to reach me
And show me all the things no one else can see
So what you feel becomes mine as well
And soon if we're lucky we'd be unable to tell
What's yours and mine the fishing's fine
And it doesn't have to rhyme so don't you feed me a line
Tra la la la la bomba dear this is the pilot speaking
And I've got some news for you
It seems my ship still stands no matter what you drop
And there ain't a whole lot that you can do
Oh sure the banner may be torn and the wind's gotten colder
Perhaps I've grown a little cynical
But I know no matter what the waitress brings
I shall drink in and always be full
My cup shall always be full
Oh I like coffee
And I like tea
I'd like to be able to enter a final plea
I still got this dream that you just can't shake
I love you to the point you can no longer take
Well all right okay
So be that way
I hope and pray
That there's something left to say
[refrain] x 2
~ Blues Traveller
Tags: I Just Have To Say, musical interlude, run-around
Tags: musical interlude
Monday, May 04, 2009
Tags: death, invitation to poetry # 4, poetry, poetry party
Saturday, May 02, 2009
One of my favourite bloggers from those early days left me this comment a few weeks ago ~ ”how come you keep reinventing yourself????????????? be content with one blog name; one avatar; one message!!!!” Well put, Ardlair. My response to him? “We are many.”
I have felt like an onion these past few years. Continuously peeling away a layer, only to find another one, obscuring this thing, this treasure, I seek. And so, I have expended much time and energy and effort peeling away a layer, existing within that layer for a time, and then peeling it back, and repeating the same cycle over again.
Each time, I’ve gotten closer to the truth. Each time, I’ve come closer to realizing the truth ~ ... Read the entire post.
Tags: enlightened rebellion, h-factor, Thoughtful
Friday, May 01, 2009
Tags: intimate, invitation to poetry # 3, marriage, martin, poetry, poetry party
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
~ Note: I've chosen a picture of my own, rather than use the picture Christine provided in her 34th poetry invitation. ~
Saturday, April 25, 2009
~I'm sick, again! Grrrrr. So here I go, once more, with the Vicks Vapo-Rub, my Ventolin rescuer inhaler, many hot, steamy showers, and more blankets. And, oh yeah, lots of juice to drink. I'm beginning work on my book. Hugs to you all.~
Tags: lovers, taken on my coffee table, wooden
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I've had a little period of silence, here on the Tea Party, My last real post, about BlissChick's 100-Day Dare, has weighed in my heart. Late last week, just thinking about making the particular change I had in mind when I wrote that post, made my heart a little sick. The many commenters to that post gave such encouragement, but I fear that I am weaker than any of you think. Alas, a work-in-progress am I. And, so I take the tiny steps, only considering the one I'm taking, and not the ones that lie ahead. [Assuming today is day 1, then day 100 happens on July 31st.] I've spent some time grieving someone who has estranged himself from me in many ways, but who contacts me from time to time. Just a little taste, to remind me of the sweet flavour, and then great famine for an unknown while. On a more practical front, I have an appointment scheduled next week that may eventually lead me back work, part-time.
Thomas Merton continues to lead me into contemplation with and about God in New Seeds of Contemplation. I've continued to plod slowly, but surely, through Karen Armostrong's The Bible: A Biography. And, of course, Eckhart Tolle's Now sits nearby; I read Tolle in spurts, then take some time to digest what I've read. I also have Susan Haskin's Mary Magdalen: The Essential History in the pile, beckoning me to open it. And, once in a while I flip through the $5 used copy of C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity, which sits on my nightstand, atop my dictionary-thesaurus and beside my lamp. I have read Thich Naht Hanh's book about true love, a really quick and easy read one Sunday afternoon. That same afternoon, I read a lovely book about angels, their history, presence in different cultures, and the angel hierarchy. The next fiction book I'll likely read is the second book in the Stephanie Meyers series.
Tags: conscience, mundane, what i'm doing, writing
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Inspired by and dedicated to Martin, who showed me that I do have wings, that they can carry me, and that I can fly on my own. He showed me this through the anguish of his love, which gave him the strength to hold the cage open for me to fly out. Of course, I flew back into the cage to my husband, a man who understands that loving me requires giving me alot of space.
Tags: freedom, invitation to poetry # 2, love, marriage, marriage skin, martin, poetry, poetry party
Friday, April 17, 2009
It's the middle of the night. I'm sitting in bed, under the covers with my laptop. Somehow, the bed feels larger. Perhaps, that's because I feel much smaller, tonight, than I did this morning. Dear Reader, you cannot imagine how small I feel. My shame lingers in the spaces between words spoken; it stagnates, like the smell of something burning. I find it a challenge to examine my rather large and foolish error without judgement. Foolish ~ too harsh a word, maybe? Alternatives? Ill-Considered. Careless. Naive, even.
It seems pointless to persecute myself. It seems purposeful and wise, though, to really take to heart and mind what I need to do, and gaze at it through the prism of wreckless, wanton desire (the force that fuels my error). I see, more clearly, the painful struggle one endures in the quest for Self ~ the self I think I want to be vs. the self God created me to be. The Wannabe seeks comfort by filling herself. The True Self seeks comfort in acceptance and through emptying herself.
I must begin to empty a particular falseness. Its a falseness that coats the Wannabe (entraps her, really) like a poisonous membrane. She must no longer fill herself with poison. She must purge. It feels like I must release my grip from the edge and fall freely away from the known precipice, toward the unknown, without fear or tension. When I let go, I will liberate myself. When I let go, my wings will carry me; I will feel such joy and peace ... and BLISS. Do I have the courage to follow the obscured and jagged trail that leads to the light?
Tags: encouraging bliss, forgiveness, lessons in life, mistakes, non-judgemental, self-examination