Thursday, February 08, 2007

my nose candy story and other things

Thursday, February 08, 2007
i admit it.
i do.
i did it.

don't ask me why.
and DON'T judge me.
just DO NOT go there, OK?
just don't.

so ...?
i am sure
you are asking
that very question,
aren't you? well,
don't ask.
coz ....
i dunno.
yup -
that's right ...
i dunno
i just snorted.
and snorted.
and snorted.
and snorted some more.

... and my nose ....

it hurt
it burned,
felt raw,
dried out
dessicated -
that's what it felt like.
my nose is still recovering.
at times i get the insatiable urge
to just peel open my left nare
and scratch away at the its lining
as in tissue-that's-healing-itchy

it takes 24 to 48 hours
for the nasal congestion
to clear, after snorting
even just one rale of cocaine.
that's nasal congestion,
as in mouth-breathing-

i cannot focus on cocaine
it makes my neurons fire too quickly
to cognate in any really serious way -
as in, i cannot learn when buzzed
on the blow
my brain - its naturally hyper
i guess

i like the feeling i get when
the cocaine slides down my
esophagus, toward my stomach
and the constrictive feeling
my stomach gets as soon as
the cocaine touches it -
like - the feeling of my stomach
its a wierd rush i like.
of course - you don't eat
when you're buzzing on cocaine
and you don't sleep
you just ....
pee a lot
drink a lot (man, it makes you thirsty)
and sniffle a whole bunch

well. that's my story.
i snorted cocaine
i could not resist
the urge to try it
once more
just ... could not.

don't judge me.
don't lecture me.
just ... don't.

call me a
functioning junkie
if you wanna,
just don't judge me for it.


programming studies going well
now its getting into the real
guts of it all -
programming language

i still awake every morning
go to school
and work work work
every evening/night i can
counted at the Gap last night
urgh - baby Gap,
just how many baby socks
can one count?
too many,
is the answer.

blogging here @ blogger
does not really seem that important
it seems so banal and trivial
the people here seem so small
cardboard and unreal as one can get.