Tuesday, November 28, 2006

some dribble for you

Tuesday, November 28, 2006
1.what letters do you type most often? do you know? i do. e, a, s, n, l. that's pretty specific. how do i know that, anyhow? well ... those are the keys that have long lost their letter sign - meaning they're blank. i have typed them so much they plain wore off. and pretty soon, the letter m will get added to this list. just some completely irrelvant and totally meaningless trivia for you. to make your head explode.

2. do you think the core of who we are as persons changes throughout our lifetimes? if you took a personality test, do you think it would be different at different points in your life? i wonder. i wonder if the fabric of one's essence can change with the seasons of living. i feel like mine has. or ... perhaps not. perhaps the changes i perceive actually reflect the pieces of myself i have uncovered?

3. i'm hungry these days. but ... have no desire to eat. until my body threatens to quit. and then i have no choice. why is it some of us have this fucked up love-hate relationship between our hypothalamus and our stomachs? one has no idea of the social nature the act of eating until one no longer has someone with which to share meals.

4. i walked by a live power line just dangling from the trolley bus line on my walk home from school monday. a horde of cops appeared to be lurking about the neighbourhood. all just standing there, fucking the dog. i wonder about the folks that supposedly manage the safety of this place, when they have to be asked to do something about a fucking live wire, dangling onto the sidewalk. i cyncally wonder if this had been the ritzy shaugnessy neighbourhood, how differently such a situation might have played out.

5. there's a spider living on the corner of the door frame to my room. she's been there for a few days now. she scared me at first, even though she's just a tiny black thing. still - she's ugly and different looking. and so i perceive that as a threat/fear. instant reaction - i want to get rid of her. then i think - why? just coz looking at her bothers me? and so ... i leave her there. why not respect her for what she does? after all she has a role to play in the food chain.

6. do you know that more than 50 % of information you receive about a person you meet is non-verbal? know what i hate about george bush? i have finally figured it out. its simple, really. and has nothing to do with ideology. its the incongruence between his verbal and non-verbal communication. it casts him in a suspicious light.

7. i hate the phone. it invites misunderstandings.


Mayden' s Voyage said...

1- :) Never thought of it before...however, I don't think the letter "Z" is any danger :)

2- The Core of who we are- does it change? I don't know. I was looking at at baby photo of myself this afternoon- I was 2...in front of a Christmas tree, and all dressed up- trying to pull my shoes off.
Funny- I can hear my parents saying, "Don't take off your shoes honey...we're tryin to take your picture." Yep- some 35 years later...still chubby, still getting dressed up, and wanting to take my shoes off and just be me- and everyone around me saying..."No, honey- you've got to be and do so-and-so...
Not much has changed friend...not much at all.

3- I went to a "pro ana" site the other day. I wondered about the mentality of people who starve themselves. I like food too much.
I actually went over there thinking they could give me some pointers for weight loss! They are sick- wayyy more sick than I ever want to be. So- I am who I am.
Jesus said as much. I can't imagine the will power it takes to starve my own body. I want to be healthy and strong. I can't take care of my family if I'm not...

4. Cops don't f*ck dogs in fancy neighborhoods :)

5. I can't live with a spider. She can be outside and live in peace- but not inside. I'd gather her up with a broom and set her free outside before I'd share a bedroom with her.
My daughter was bitten by a Brown Recluse a few summers back...it was not pretty.

6- I've met a couple of bloggers- one completely threw me off guard. He was not what I expected.
But- he's still a good friend.
The other was what I expected- and that's a good friend too.
I wonder if you met Bush in person if you would feel differently?
I wonder if I would???

Hugs to you- I've been thinking of you, and I've been swamped. It will be this way until mid January I think :)
Be well and take good care :)

mantissa said...

hi mayden. nice to see you. i'd wondered where everyone got to. anyhoo ... i don't write in this blog very much these days. check my profile for the ones i do write in.

1. these letters literally wore right off my keyboard. that's how much i use my ibook, lol.

2. i'm now convinced that what changes is the way in which we view ourselves, know ourselves. its not ourselves that changes, just our perspective.

3. believe me ... i'm not starving myself cuz i want to ... but because i cannot afford to eat the way i want to. plain and simple. can't have protein everyday. only twice a week. and yes ... i'm dropping weight. not what i want ... but what life is like right now.

4. yes ... my point exactly. the poor folk don't count. only the rich assholes do.

5.that's why i don't live in those parts ... we don't have spiders here that bite like that. spiders kill all the things that i hate - like flies and mosquitos. the spider's a tiny little thing. and i think she starved to death.

6. there are a few bloggers i think of meeting. but i wonder if the charm of it all would be lost on having these people completely revealed to me.

i also think that the bloggers i know don't exist. i mean ... the way people present themselves in their blogs is not how they are in real life.

if i met bush ... in person? i would do what i always do ... behave respecfully, sociably, and make the most of the encounter. i can put on my game face and play nice. in fact, so well that sometimes maybe its not an act.

i try to understand why people do and say the things they do. they don't come off as so offensive then.

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