Wednesday, November 22, 2006

addiction - part 2

Wednesday, November 22, 2006
so i read this bullshit article that talked about some fucking study, published in some medical journal about how this so-called safe injection site is helping junkies and even helping them to quit. ya, well we can make the numbers say whatever we want, right? RIGHT. true, really.

i am just disgusted at the way politicians and other power trippers use the downtrodden and street urchins to fulfill their own egoistic purposes. lets just be honest with ourselves. we don't give a shit about others. we don't wanna help anyone, but ourselves. plain and simple. we all have an agenda. anyone who claims not to is full of shit - either lying or just incredibly naive.

i cannot juxtapose the incredulity of extreme opulence and extreme poverty, side by side in the strangest ways. for instance, a homeless person, with all his belongings in a shopping cart living on the street, and sleeping just beneath a large billboard-type sign that advertises condos in yaletown for $300,000. or another homeless person, curled up and sleeping just beneath a very opulent window display at the hudson's bay - velvet, taffeta, scarlett o'hara-type posh settings. does the existence of the very rich mean that the very poor will also be? i think so. WE HUMANS ARE SO FUCKING SELFISH!

so ... what does this have to do with addiction? i dunno. something. tho i have done a shitty job of connecting the two here in this post. not that anyone reads this anyway. you're all so busy convincing yourselves that you are good people, to take the time to read about the shitty side of life. and by that i mean the truly gritty, really down and out stuff. that i walk by each and every day. that most of us don't care about, as we wrestle our way thru the stores, beating people away from the latest XBOX or whatever stupid thing everyone is convinced they MUST buy! oh ... whatever.

just ... one more thing. before you judge an addict, try to truly understand that person. an addict doesn't wake up one day and say, 'gee, i feel like i wanna be an addict today! lets get started.' its definitely not like that. make an effort to find out what it is like. just to give you an idea ... living with an addiction is like trying to swim with a 50 lb lead weight attached to your foot. and you're not sure how it got there. and you don't have the key to unlatch it from your leg.

my message is i guess, don't judge. understand.

... to be continued ...


Mayden' s Voyage said...

I wish I could post this as anon...but since I can' I go :)

I've never done drugs- except for weed- and had my husband not been so opposed to it- I'd probably still do it. I haven't touched it in 20 years. However, alcohol is a different beast.

And it's legal...I can count it's effectiveness by ounces-

So- the rich people- way up high in their condos are getting drunk- and the poor people are in the gutter getting high..

all floating along on a pink, or blue, or purple reefer- as it were~

I think you walk a difficult path- the one where you've seen how being sober makes things clear---and how being stoned makes things easier to cope.

Some times- on some days, I wish I was closer to you.

mantissa said...

i admire you for your honesty. i appreciate that anonymity would have been more comfortable for you. thanx for your candor.

oh. that nasty word - addiction. now that i am no longer a practising nurse and now that i live in vancouver - i admit that i am a pot head. i prefer being high to being me. what does alcohol do for you?

pot, for me, takes the debilitating anxiety and doubt away from me ... or it dulls it to the point that it doesn't paralyze me with fear. it dulls my wierd hypersensing abilities to the point that i can tolerate being around other people. without it after a day or so i start to feel sheer anger. nothing else.

everyone in my family is on some sort of pharmaceutical - except for 2 of use - the one that choses denial as her drug, and me, who self medicates with pot.

with pot comes clarity for me. and yes - ability to cope. is it really a weakness to admit needing something to survive this life?

am i addicted to oxygen, or does my body just physiologically require it? the answer to that one is obvious, ain't it? so ...? why should it be different with pot?

i think its a shame that so many people judge, based upon the fact that its illegal. particularly when they are likely guilty of turing to alcohol for similar reasons. the word hypocrisy comes to mind.

its frustrating that this shit is still illegal. in all honesty - i think itys that alcohol shit that should be outlawed - its far more damaging to society and humanity.

but -- you got it - the rich folk like their booze. and so it goes.

mantissa said...

and ... oh yes dear mayden many's the day i wish we were closer to each other also. but - lol - perhaps i'd be a bad influence on you? ha ha.

Mayden' s Voyage said...

I'm sorry I missed your reply earlier- but glad I found it...

I drink several times a month- and not to the point that I can't function or remember things- but well past the point of being able to drive...yet hubby is here- so it's ok?

I have nothing to run from- or so it would seem. No big demon lurking in the past- no abuses that hsunt me, or none that keep me awake at night- but I often feel a huge burden...the one of being responsible for 2 kids- a house- a hubby- and having lost myself along the way. No- I didn't lose part of myself as much as I gave it~ big difference I think-

Alcohol helps me let go a little- it seems like the only time I "play". That sounds sad :(

I may have just figured out something here- I don't feel ANY guilt when I have a buzz- NONE at all. It's like a reprieve??? yes- that's it.

Some call pot a gateway drug- but even with cocaine being at it's peak in the 80's when we were teens- I NEVER wanted to touch the stuff. I was terrified of it.
Nor heroine, or acid...none of that was appealing to me. Now- with asthma issues- I'm glad smoking was never big with me either.

I don't judge. I can't.
Funny though...I find it very easy to judge myself.

Got to work on that :)