Saturday, October 13, 2007

the kindness of bigotry

Saturday, October 13, 2007
i'd finally had it. i could tolerate it no longer. does that make me weaker thann the rest, or stronger? i called someone a bigot. i figured, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck ... then its definitely NOT a swan ... its a duck and i should call it that. and i should stop expecting this duck to display the grand elegance and poise of a swan ... for a duck is not a swan. a duck is a duck. and so i called it like i saw it.

and now i wonder if i'm supposed to feel bad for calling it like i saw it. because i don't. i feel bad for witnessing the behaviour that made me speak out. i feel bad for remaining silent for so long. i feel bad for the reality that many around me continue to remain silent. and the cycle of hatred continues. and, i find myself wondering ... what is kindness? is it just whitewashing everything? is it truth? compassion? when is compassion appropriate? all the time? is compassion necessarily niceness? is truth?

how does one show kindness to a bigot? by ignoring the bigotry? by whitewashing it? by pretending we don't see it? is that kindness ... to refrain from expressing our true visceral reactions, for fear we may cause waves? is this kindness ... doctoring the truth based on some notion we have of the perceptions of others? i have a problem with that ... isn't that lying? to refrain from speaking the truth? when there's an elephant pouncing on my chest ... do i just tell everyone i feel okay because that's the answer they want to receive? that seems FUCKED UP to me.

this is eating me up. i want to think that truth is always in order ... even when its ugly. but so many around me seem to execute their existence based on the notion that truth is only in order when its pretty. and no one wants to weigh in on this issue. so ... i am left wondering. and ... well, i suppose that's just another thing that scalds and scorches my frail, brittle and breaking heart.