Wednesday, December 20, 2006

to know you

Wednesday, December 20, 2006
[its possible to love another spirit ... another heart ... another mind ... without carnal ever entering the fold. it takes a certain sort of soul to have the capacity to love like this. enchanting ... to say the least. and so ... here is an old piece of mine that i have dusted off, and edited just a teensy bit ... its a little something about meeting such a spirit.]

i want to know you. to understand you. and the words that tumble from your lips in a sweet, silent melody heard only by my heart and soul. i will drink them in, slowly, and they will fall into my soul like drops fall from honeycombs. and i will treasure the moments as they trickle past me. and i will treasure you.

my axons and dendrites will glow in your essence. will you bathe in the streaming light of my gentle adoration? will you let me touch that swirling, spinning locus at your very core, and stroke it so very tenderly? on their wings, your words carry lucious tendrils of you and i feel a flutter in my chest as they embrace my own.

cold fury - i wear it like a corset. it constricts my very essense - stuffs it all behind a stiff, unforgiving shield. its my face to the world-at-large: my suit of armour. in my cyborgish and mundane existence within the hive-mind that is the world-at-large, i lead. i shoulder live-and-die responsibilities. commit life-altering actions. witness soul crushing pain.

i've felt crushed. suffocating ... beneath the weight of my own cold fury. suffocating - the same way a hard, thick scab suffocates tender, growing tissue lying underneath. will you look at me, eye-to-eye ... heart-to-heart ... so that i may see the blossoming dawn in your gaze? so that this mask i wear will fall away from me, shattered? will your heart lavish the affection and the adoration i crave from safe and guiding presence? i want to trust that your hands and heart move with a gentle grace and deftness that leave my tender, pulsing and raw essense without track marks or debridement.

i am unsure. afraid of the dark. of monsters under the bed. and of spirits that haunt me while i sleep. i seek guidance. reassurance. validation, even. and a strong, safe and gentle hand to stroke my soft and shiny, dark curls. with your gentle guidance and sublime adoration will you release the spring long shut-up inside me? will you drink the sweet elixir from my fount, as you release my heart from its bondage?

i want to know you. to understand you. and the words that tumble from your heart in a sweet, silent lyric heard only by my own. i will drink them in, slowly, and they will fall into my soul like drops fall from honeycombs. we will revel in our connection, as our spirits embrace and grow in light and love. and my fear? it will crumble, falling away from me the way sand slips through fingers. and then ... once your essence has emblazened itself upon my own ... and then, will i know you?

2 comments:

Mayden' s Voyage said...

This is so beautiful-a rare and lovely glimpse at the Spirit of love...something we rush past or gloss over - or are simply afraid of...because it's so personal.

I became friends with a woman a few years ago because I spent time everyday praying for her father- who was dying.
I barely knew the woman- so the fact that I was so invested in praying for her dad was kind of odd- except that I knew in my heart I was CALLED to pray for him.
I can't explain it.

Anyway- the treatments were hard- there was little progress...and he suffered a great deal- but was so comforted by the cards and letters and knowing that someone was praying for him- it made a huge difference at the end of his life.

I never met the man in person- but I knew his spirit well. His 3rd grandchild was in the womb when he passed- and my friend named her son after her dad...and everytime I see that little boy- I feel reconnected with a man I never met- and really loved on some level- but it's terribly difficult to explain.

You've touched on something here that I don't think many people realize exists...another dimension of the soul??? I don't know :)
But I'm glad I read it :)

I send my best- hoping you can breathe and rest- and have a full measure of peace and joy over the next few weeks- and in the coming year!
I'll be scarce for the next few weeks after a day or so- but hope to be re-newed by early January :)
Hugs Pink :)

angrypinkmeany said...

thanx for your kind thoughts ... hoping you can take some time for yourself over these next few days.

love, me.