friday the 13th - a good energy post

a grey and dreary friday the 13th on the outside.
a clear and surreal day - with stuttered sunshine - on the inside.

i have completed my project. my instructor has such compassion and patience - afforded me far more time than i should have had to complete this beast, and has not pestered me, spoken pedantically, or condescendingly. how lucky am i. he - instructor - needs a little more dynamism in his teaching approach. and we're working on that - our group of programming/web developer students is working on that.

i feel a small success at the fact that i may have set this latest enhancement in motion by disclosing to the campus director things about learning here that bothered me. i had a choice. let the matter fester inside me - eat me alive. or ... deal with it - face it, head on. **ughhh - that means confrontation, right? fuck, that scares me to death!**

finally - a sign to myself that i have learned from past misjudgements - particularly those many attitude misjudgements i executed thruout my nursing career. it seems a simple common sense thing - but not so obvious as we live it - its always best to just know our Selves and the things that bother us and do something about it all. stewing and ranting and raving - that's not action. its inaction ... its generating energy that's counter productive. this impression we have - that the festering wound will heal itself if we ignore it - its a load of sh!t, really. the wound will just start to smell more. and hurt more. until we can no longer stand it. and then .... all the poison that accumulates will just cause a system wide infection.

i made the smallest concerted effort this am - made sure to give martin and hug and kiss goodbye before he left the house. one never knows - and that's the truth we must live by and with, each and every time we breathe and with each beating of our frail, iron hearts. i will be honest and say .... it scares the hell out of me. and makes me think of a song, by enya - if i could be where you are.



things that make life good?

1. seeing Susan's most recent post first thing this am
2. blooming magnolia trees
3. dark swiss "FRIGOR" chocolate (we got some - yes, from switzerland - for easter)
4. refried beans and really cheesy macaroni and cheese (that's comfort food for me)
5. birds
6. giant, towering, mossy trees
7. the sound of a steady, constant rain
8. i'm with Susan on the movies choices
9. really great, kewl, surreal photography
10. enya, johnny cash, leonard cohen
11. the sound and smell of the ocean
12. clear, silent, and windless starry nights
13. sunshine
14. mocha frappuccinos from starbucks - complete with whipped cream
15. a big ole piece of toast with nutella spread on it!
16. blogging and the wonderful people i have met in this bloglandia
17. the smallest success of everyday life
18. my big, red, IKEA drapes
19. my big, red, velvet couch
20. my stuffed moose, whose name is (are you ready for this?) ... Moose
21. my family - all of them ... even the ones i choose not to acknowledge ... i know they enhance the world, simply by living in it
22. my son .... who lights my world, and whom, i must confessed, has grown into quite the 'hottie' (can a mum say that about her boy? its not wierd, is it? please, say its not) and also the most compassionate and giving 21 year old.