peace ~ the elusive

for millenia humanity has struggled to achieve peace. and failed, largely. it seems we cannot sustain that contemplative state of soul suspension known as peace. it seems we need the abrasive action of friction to feel alive. why, i wonder? how can one ever reach peace if one cannot bridge one's own's purpose with one's own will? when i contemplate this spiritual struggle for peace, my thoughts invariable turn toward jacob and his struggles against despair. plagued by doubts, anxiety, and shame jacob leaves home to embark on a long lonely journey. at this time, jacob's life has bottomed out. but he resiliently pushes off the floor of his despair, to begin the long climb upward. he reaches out to g-d at his moment of greatest need - and g-d answers.

from the bottom of the abyss comes the voice of salvation. the black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to come. at the darkest moment comes the light.

i currently spend a great deal of my existence searching for my own ladder, to help me raise myself from the despair that sails toward me on the winds of the passage of time. trying, and maybe failing, to make peace between my the world and purpose. its a mind-blowing and lonely journey ~ to push oneself off the floor of one's own despairs means leaving one's wounds behind. it means transcending one's ego ... or, really, emptying ... or perhaps both. it means piercing the seeming impregnable wall of powerlessness which descends upon the wounded psyche. it means embracing wisdom which the experience of despair brings to our souls. the struggle of all souls involves striking a balance between the compulsion to fulfill its corporeal purpose and the desire, as the breath of g-d, to cleave to its source. this struggle defines the action of existence. the key, perhaps, lies in bridging the gap between the corporeal and the divine. therein lies peace.