another hard day.
will it ever end?
will this despair,
that sits right there -
an horrid, hollow heaviness
at my sino-atrial node -
will it ever dissipate?
i feel, oft-times,
as thought despair
will never leave me.
i know, cognitively,
its not so.
but ... my heart feels
like it wants to shrivel up ...
go cold ... and hard ... and black.
my heart feels like a dying ember.
i miss .... so much.
i feel sorrow.
on a collective level.
like ...
a borg-like collective
of suffering and despair exists
and i have tapped into it.
i feel the darkness kiss me
oh so tenderly.
its comforting.
it reminds me i'm still alive.
that's good.
particularly on those days
i just want to curl up
and de-materialize.
like ... today.
will it ever end?
will this despair,
that sits right there -
an horrid, hollow heaviness
at my sino-atrial node -
will it ever dissipate?
i feel, oft-times,
as thought despair
will never leave me.
i know, cognitively,
its not so.
but ... my heart feels
like it wants to shrivel up ...
go cold ... and hard ... and black.
my heart feels like a dying ember.
i miss .... so much.
i feel sorrow.
on a collective level.
like ...
a borg-like collective
of suffering and despair exists
and i have tapped into it.
i feel the darkness kiss me
oh so tenderly.
its comforting.
it reminds me i'm still alive.
that's good.
particularly on those days
i just want to curl up
and de-materialize.
like ... today.
This means challenging my self to compassionate, encouraging, genuine and hostile-free exchanges. It also means contemplating my reaction to the thoughts, feelings and expressions of others, prior to acting upon them. 
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