massacre of the innocents by giovanni pisano
that's the sort of visions a saw last nite (thursday), whenever i closed my eyes, in the throes a surreal, fever-driven panic. fever + panic attack = bad night. its weird, how one moment you feel only as though 'coming down with something' ... and then the next, you feel as though someone has dragged you into the 5th circle of hell. one has awareness of one's illness ... however, when the full impact of sickness strikes, we cannot feel prepared. and ... what a wonder of physiology - pyrexia. a simple matter of a few degrees hotter delineates the line that separates sanity from insanity. feeling simultaneously hot and cold. feeling abject terror and sadness ~ at once. but those visions ... and accompanying voices ... nothing worse. each time i grasped sleep, the visions, voices and then the panic elephant awoke me. i felt like i had an elephant sitting on my chest. it took me at least an hour, and every pillow in the house, to build a pillow tower on the sofa so i could sleep sitting up. alas, i only wanted to put my head down. but the panic made my soul wanna jump out of my body. i fell asleep with the rosary in my grip. i can't remember having a worse night. really. talk about the dark night .... grrrr. me hates being sick.
yeah. so ... roxanne has some weird pneumonia.
This means challenging my self to compassionate, encouraging, genuine and hostile-free exchanges. It also means contemplating my reaction to the thoughts, feelings and expressions of others, prior to acting upon them. 
