golden apple

his soul sings silently,
threaded
in gauzy and golden light
my heart impales itself
on this melody
my soul cleaves
to his lyrical luminescence

his great, flowing essence
quenches my thirst ~
this scorching yen
that scars
of successive past lives
have woven
into my very essence

he washes me
away from myself
leaving me bare,
somewhat macerated and bare
exposed ~
for all my frailties and wounds
... he sees ... he knows ...
he hears the whispers of the universe, too

that sacred light
of his core
flickers softly,
and with each flash,
he carves
another spark
into my weak, low-burning ember

in the glow of his mantle
his innocent generosity cascades
endlessly,
scented with divine wisdom
the beauty of him
touches that raw, pulsing
and forbidden corner of my heart
which eats fire

cherished ~
the grace of his movements ~
cherished ~
the gentle contemplation
of his speech
cherished ~
my golden apple

soaked

i hear the universe ~
softly and steadily
she breathes
thoughts
into my soul.
softly ~
like the glistening petals
of a rain-drenched flower.
steadily ~
like the unceasing energy
of the rich torrents
that cascade
from the heavens.
i feel the universe ~
she infuses me,
soaking me ~
like the heavens
permeating
the deep, red earth.

~written by the.red.mantissa~

house of blue leaves

its love. of some kind. a really old and deep connection. one that develops over the course of several lifetimes ... over the course of several cycles of the samsara. its love ... that connects us. an abstract, visceral, soul-full love. the venn diagram that has become our lives finds us bound and unbound, simultaneously. in the house of blue leaves. blue leaves that never die. and the remains of the day ~ hidden, from view ... in that untouchable part of the heart.

~cs lewis on hearts~ [nerd post]

just taking this hide/show script for a test drive. many people use it in their sidebars, to reduce clutter. susan, aka cruel virgin, uses it in her sidebar ... and so does this powderpuff geek blogger.i wanted to see if it would work the same way in a post. so let's see, then ... if you wanna know what cs lewis wrote about hearts, click on the +/- ... here goes, babe! +/-

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."

duality? dichotomy? light & dark

i find myself here - between light and dark. no colours exist here, a void that lies between a blinding shaft of light and the velvet blanket of darkness. i find myself here, today. no words. many, many thoughts. and the feeling of a presence, despite no one else being here but me. its sort of disturbing to feel the feelings of one who has recently been violently murdered, one who was not ready to die, one who desperately wanted to accomplish so much still. they've found me, these feelings. its left me feeling sort of ... inward ... hermit-ish. that's all, really.

inro by hr giger

oh, wait! there's a few more details. 1. ellen deGeneres can make me laugh even when my body just wants to purge, purge, purge (yes, i'm camped out on the couch with an unhappy gut today)... 2. even if its not fuzzy yet, or still smells good, don't use that 10-day old pasta sauce when you make dinner. you'll regret it, trust me. just do yourself a favour ~ THROW IT AWAY!... 3. indeed, its a wonderful world. like louie says. even if i feel saturated with sadness and ugliness today ... its still a wonderful world. does the tree make a sound when it falls in the forest, and no one hears it? indeed it does. and so, the world continues its wonderment, despite this bothersome fog i feel.

~something new i learned~

IMAGE-MAP. yeah. its essentially an image that you make into a map of links. you select certain rectangular-shaped areas of the image according to its co-ordinates and you associate/attach a URL to that area of the image - these areas of the image we then call hot spots. surely, after that very primitive explanation you can see why this would amuse me a great deal. particularly when i have developed a particular sick fondness for some of hr giger's works. and so ... here's the link to the image map. mouse over the image and you will find the link-able areas. intuitively, you should know from the image where the hot spots reside. each of the linked sites will open in a new window/tab in your browser.

here's a legend to the image map, for those who need one - the image detail and associated link i have listed below.

1. right breast --> mantissa
2. left breast --> cruel virgin
3. umbilicus --> spilled to bloodlessness
4. eye/penis --> x-dell
5. goulish creature that reminds me ferry man, a la river styx --> dead like me tv show site
6. dog --> sparring k9
7. female perineum --> vagina monologues site
8. monster on which the f/male perineum pours a golden shower --> link to the good father ~ pedophilia in the RC church.

the garden

"the fruit's [the fruit of the tree of knowledge] office was not confined to conferring there mere knowledge of good and evil, it conferred also the passionate and eager and hungry disposition to DO evil. prone as sparks to fly upward, in other words, prone as water to run down hill -- a powerful figure, and means that man's disposition is wholly evil, uncompromisingly evil, inveterably evil, and that is as undisposed to do good as water is indisposed to run up hill.
~ mark twain from schoolhouse hill

today i'm inclined to believe this. i like the notion that the knowledge of evil provided enough of a taste to make humanity thirst for another taste. and another. and one can never really feel satiated, can one? and ... in the most miniscule ways, throughout our days, don't we often act on that thirst? particularly the sour and salty taste of personal betrayal makes me thirsty for tasting evil, for tasting revenge. i suppose that makes me not much different from any other who reads this blog.



i wonder does the cool, smooth texture of revenge render us incapable of tasting the warm richness of love? we know, intellectually, what we should do, how we should behave. and ... when provoked, we run to our comfort drink ~ evil. thoughts, terseness of attitude, a desire to spread the suffering of one's own hurt ... we experience these, in some measure, at some level of existence and consciousness. when struck and wounded by another, it seems so easy to forget the path of love. it seems dimly lit and thorny. forgiveness and acceptance provide the thorniest of challenges, whilst struggling to remove the shards of hurt from one's own Self. and so, i once again find myself humbled at the fact that i lost sight of love. that my faith melted into a vapour once more. and that, once more, the powers of the universe have restored my misplaced faith. ~i speak here not of the religious kind of faith .. but of faith in my marriage ~