i find myself here - between light and dark. no colours exist here, a void that lies between a blinding shaft of light and the velvet blanket of darkness. i find myself here, today. no words. many, many thoughts. and the feeling of a presence, despite no one else being here but me. its sort of disturbing to feel the feelings of one who has recently been violently murdered, one who was not ready to die, one who desperately wanted to accomplish so much still. they've found me, these feelings. its left me feeling sort of ... inward ... hermit-ish. that's all, really.
inro by hr giger
oh, wait! there's a few more details. 1. ellen deGeneres can make me laugh even when my body just wants to purge, purge, purge (yes, i'm camped out on the couch with an unhappy gut today)... 2. even if its not fuzzy yet, or still smells good, don't use that 10-day old pasta sauce when you make dinner. you'll regret it, trust me. just do yourself a favour ~ THROW IT AWAY!... 3. indeed, its a wonderful world. like louie says. even if i feel saturated with sadness and ugliness today ... its still a wonderful world. does the tree make a sound when it falls in the forest, and no one hears it? indeed it does. and so, the world continues its wonderment, despite this bothersome fog i feel.
This means challenging my self to compassionate, encouraging, genuine and hostile-free exchanges. It also means contemplating my reaction to the thoughts, feelings and expressions of others, prior to acting upon them. 
4 comments:
same place too
ick. so you get it. this is how i imagined purgatory as a little girl. just like this.
its dark and rainy here. i am quite weather affected, i am starting to think.
love, me
~roxanne/mantissa
(1) Ah, you are a Cathar at heart.
(2) Interesting. I usually feel the hate and destruction that continues after a murder longer, but less keenly than the suffering of those who have perished.
(3) Laughter is good for what ails you. I've always found DeGeneris funny.
x-dell~ 1. yes, a cathar. yes, i suppose i am just that. 2. you feel these things, too? 3. laughter must release some sort of chemistry ... its amazing. and yes, i love ellen. she's sort of out thee, off the beaten path, being really good at being different.
i have not forgotten - i will e-mail you. :)
~roxanne
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