Friday, January 05, 2007

despair, my friend

Friday, January 05, 2007

another hard day.
will it ever end?
will this despair,
that sits right there -
an horrid, hollow heaviness
at my sino-atrial node -
will it ever dissipate?
i feel, oft-times,
as thought despair
will never leave me.
i know, cognitively,
its not so.
but ... my heart feels
like it wants to shrivel up ...
go cold ... and hard ... and black.
my heart feels like a dying ember.
i miss .... so much.
i feel sorrow.
on a collective level.
like ...
a borg-like collective
of suffering and despair exists
and i have tapped into it.
i feel the darkness kiss me
oh so tenderly.
its comforting.

it reminds me i'm still alive.
that's good.
particularly on those days
i just want to curl up
and de-materialize.

like ... today.