17 and 39

"hello, my pet," he called from the far room.
her heart jumped to her throat.
he always surprised her like this.
she never knew when
he would show up at her door.

in his absence -- the long periods of time
he would just drop out of her existence --
days. weeks. months at a time ...
she grew languid. limp.
lifeless and cut-off. passive.
a tormented, hungry soul ...
aching ... aching.
and -- paralyzed of will
to extract herself nonetheless.

and so it went.
undulating -- passion, sorrow, shame.
oppressive: her longing for him.
it caught her --
the energy of their union.
forbidden union.
it caught her and ravaged her ...
the same way a leg hold trap
ravages a wolf's unsuspecting leg.
her young, tender soul
could not escape its grip.

at times, she felt as though
a faerie for his amusement --
he: a middle-aged, worn man,
suspending her in front of his gaze,
holding her daintily by the wings,
watching her writh, struggle
and then surrender sweetly - wilting
under the weight of his
desperate, empty lust ...
he loved to slowly crush her spirit ...
feel it disintegrate into his own.

she -- an enchanting, beguiling creature
a young, virginal female spirit
perched on a cusp that sits
like a delicate, stilettoed spire
between girlhood and womanhood

shame. and unrelenting sorrow
lurked there, like slivers, embedded
into the deepest corners of her heart
her shame - secret and dark -
melted into the soothing warmth
of his voice, and
the gentle strength
she felt in his fingertips

she-an innocent, unripened green shoot
with angular boyish curves
and a child's flat and meager bosom -
she loved him ...
loved him to the point
of pain

reality -- it showered her heart
like acid poured onto living flesh --
a reality that she and he
would have NO future
still ... her heart loved his
with a florid devotion
naive ... sublime ... divine
17 and 39

Dante's wisdom ~ Inferno (part III)

{find part I here, if you want}

{find part II here, if you want}

Having crossed the sixth circle of Hell, I have arrived upon round one of the seventh circle ~ eternal residence for those who have rendered violence against their neighbours ~ Canto XII. I had failed the consider the metaphorical significance of the structure of Hell, as presented in circle six of the Inferno. Recall, everything means something here. Dante spends two Cantos at the circle of the Heretics, the entrance and the first circle of Lower Hell. Still, the full significance of it all eluded me prior to falling asleep last night (Saturday night). And then, the last words I recall hearing in the dusk of my slumber, just prior to awaking this morning: "...the insurmountable wall of Hell..." What does this mean?

Well, having pondered these words since Saturday (its now Monday evening as I write this particular added line here), it seems to indicate that reason doubts itself ~ knows its limits wrt abyssmal darkness. Evil - the darkest of evils - can seem quite simple, until one stares into its depths, and sees there, its frighteningly intricate structure and detail. Believe me, dear reader, I have felt this very sentiment. What do I mean? Despair wears many faces. And ... we must learn to recognize them all ~ lest we come upon an imposter, whom we allow to dupe us with her easy words.

The suffering of the damned souls increases dramatically as Hell descends into itself. The Wall - the Gate of Dis - denotes that we, along with the poets - have passed into the part of Hell reserved for those whom rejection of God and goodness underlie their offenses. We see, for the first time, Virgil's anxiety at the increasing insidiousness of the Evil which resides here, in the pits of Hell. Dante seems a rather impotent figure ~ fearful of wandering the underworld alone, without the guidance of Human Reason. The suffering souls of the damned present, to the poets, the most powerful expression of sin's repugnant nature.

Dante and his guide, Human Reason, face the Furies and the Gorgon. Symbolic reminders that the soul will suffer insurmountable paralysis in the face of remorse and despair, without the intervention of divine grace ~ here represented as the Divine Messenger who descends to disperse the remorse and despair, unlock the Gates of Dis to allow Dante's passage, and then ascends without a word. As we descend lower into Hell, we witness a transformation in Dante's perception of the suffering sinners. Where, at the start of his descent into Hell, Dante expresses sorrow ~ almost pity ~ for the damnation he witnesses, now he expresses rising indignation. Once again, this draws me back to my earlier point ~ that one must remain guarded against Evil, particularly the most insidious types, which perhaps, we may fail to see. Fail to see, in the darkest of darkness ... without aid of the light.

I fear I may have lost some of the meaning in this sixth circle ... for, it feels to me like there's more to tell you ... however, words fail to get what I intuitively feel across. Or perhaps, its that I have made my point, in fewer words than anticipated. Expand the post to see some snippets that emphasize concepts and sentiments which stood out for me. My next post will discuss the seventh circle of Hell ~ all three rounds: eternal damnation for those who commit violence.

on patience ~ waiting in trust

"...'Yet surely we were meant to pass these tombs,"

he said aloud, 'If not ... so much was promised ...

Oh how time hangs and drags til our aid comes!'..."

on facing the darkest despair

"...'Turn your back and keep your eyes shut tight;

for should the Gorgon come and you look at her,

neer again would you return to the light,' ..."

on replacing God's will with our own

"Why do you set yourselves against the Throne

whose Will none can deny, and which, times past,

has added to your pain for each rebellion?"

on lacking sight/self-absorption in the darkness of suffering and despair

"When things draw near, or happen, we perceive

nothing of them. Except what others bring to us

we have no news of those who are alive."

Dante's wisdom ~ Inferno (part II)

{find part I here, if you want}

I have arrived upon the sixth circle of hell ~ Canto IX ~ Torment of the Heretics. I put down the Comedy last night only immediately upon putting myself to bed. Currently its Saturday morning here. My entire night's sleep has involved a dialogue with someone (Dante, himself, perhaps?), in the dreams of my psyche, of the great wisdom embedded within the Inferno. Everything means something here. The journey which Dante travels ~ this symbolizes the journey which all souls and psyches must take, in order to reach their destiny ~ Divine Light and Love. The rough and wrinkled terrain, dotted with clefts and crevices, resemble to me the terrain of the human cerebral cortex - that wrinkled surface of the brain which plays a key role in the execution of complex brain functions. And of its structure ~ as one travels deeper and deeper into the brain, one finds its core, connected with its funnel-like brain stem: primitive cerebral elements which live in the darkness, but which define and bound corporeal existence.

One must traverse that mysterious and unpredictable passage in order to reach the Light. Human reasoning generates a light of its own, to illuminate our uncertain and frightening path. However, the cortical brain has limits, does not extend all the way to the Light. For, human reasoning, alone, simply cannot carry us to completion. Along the path we encounter Evil, Evil of such destruction and force that we cannot behold or experience it without certain damnation. We, alone, cannot find our way to the Light in abject and murderous darkness. We must appeal to the guidance of Divine Light, for safe passage beyond this frightening and destructive Evil. Fear blinds our eyes and our souls and diminishes Human Reason to a point at which it loses its effect. One must travel one's life road ever-aware of the temptations of the crevices which line our passage. And the ease with which one can certainly slip, or stumble, into these. And the divine ardour we must grasp, and with which we must hoist ourselves from such a fallen state. And the humility, with which we must seek assistance, when we find we have fallen from grace, into the darkest crevice.

Expand the post to view the snippets that spoke to me. Perhaps they will speak to you, too.

on abandoning oneself to the temptest of passion

"...And she: 'The double grief of a lost bliss

is to recall its happy hour in pain.

Your Guide and Teacher knows the truth of this' ..."

on observing the souls in torment

"I see new torments and new souls in pain

about me everywhere. Wherever I turn

away from grief I turn toward grief..."

"And he to me: 'Look to your science again

where it is written: the more a thing is perfect

the more it feels of pleasure and pain."

on the perversion of hoarding & wasting

"And he: 'In the first life beneath the sun

they were so skewed and squint-eyed in their minds

their misering or extravagance mocked all reason...'



'...In their sordid lives they laboured to be blind,

and now their souls have dimmed past recognition ...'



'Now may you see the fleeting vanity

of the goods of Fortune for which men tear down

all that they are, to build mockery.' ..."

on that lady of chance, Dame Fortune, who dances upon the path of life

"...'No mortal power may stay her spinning wheel.

The nations rise and fall by her decree.

None may foresee where she shall set her heel:' ..."

on facing the purest Evil

"My Guide then, in the greatness of his spirit:

'take heart. Nothing can take our passage from us

when such a power has given warrant for it.


Wait here and feed your soul while I am gone

on comfort and good hope; I will not leave you

to wander in this underworld alone.' ..."

Dante's wisdom ~ Inferno (part 1)

I have reached Canto IV ~ Limbo, the first circle of Hell. What's struck me so far? Despair, seeing her presented as a virulent and hungry beast. Fear, seeing how she shrewdly and unceasingly hunts us down, and preys upon our frail souls. Faith, presented as akin to the botanical process of embracing the light ... of striving toward the light, and therefore, as necessary to flourish and grow. Hell and Evil, seeing these as manifestations of the power of the Supernal being. Therefore, one who denies the existence of Hell and Evil also denies the power of the Supernal - the One who resides in the empyrean sphere.

Something BIG happened late last weekend in my personal life. As in, life or death heavy duty stuff. It jolted me. As in, suddenly, things that seem to hold such importance really seem so trivial and obtuse. As in, I know ... and I no longer doubt (perhaps I have travelled the road to Damascus?). As in, it fuelled my search ... I seek wisdom of some kind. And in my search, I heard the call of Dante. Something that humanity has revered for 700 years must contain a plethora of golden wisdom, right? Indeed, it does. More than any human can imagine. I had no idea. The journey which Dante makes in The Divine Comedy seems so allegorical and so parallel to my own.

Expand the post to read the snippets that have so far grabbed me. And take out of them what you will. You will likely need to return here and re-read them several times. And each time you do, a new level of wisdom will avail itself to you.

I have written further posts ~ as I continue my journey with Dante, I will continue writing about it here. Another post waits, in the wings, actually, held back.

on the virulence of despair ~

"...a starved horror

ravening and wasted beyond all belief.
She seemed a rack for avarice, gaunt and craving.
Oh many the souls she has brought to endless grief!

She brought such heaviness upon my spirit
at sight of her savagery and desperation,
I died from every hope of that high summit.

And like a miser--eager in acquisition
but desperate in self-reproach when Fortune's wheel turns to the hour of his loss--all tears and attrition

I wavered back; and still the beast purused,
forcing herself against me bit by bit
till I slid back into the sunless wood."

on the hunger of despair ~

"...that mad beast that fleers

before you there, suffers no man to pass.
She tracks down all, kills all, and knows no glut,
but, feeding, she grows hungrier than she was."

on fear, that shrewd predator ~

"...'your soul is sunken in that cowardice

that bears down many men, turning their course
and resolution by imagined perils,
as his own shadow turns the frightened horse.'..."

on faith, embracing the light ~

"As flowerlets drooped and puckered in the night
turn up to the returning sun and spread
their petals wide on his new warmth and light--

just so my wilted spirit rose again
and such a heat of zeal surged through my veins
that I was born anew..."

on denial of hell as denial of the Father's power ~

"I am the way into the city of woe
I am the way to a foresaken people
I am the way to eternal sorrow

Sacred justice moved my architect
I was raised here by Divine Omnipotence
Primordial love and ulitmate intellect

Only those elements time cannot wear
Were made before me, and beyond time I stand.
Abandon all hope ye who enter here."

the moon comforts the night?

... so many things arrived upon me today ... here ... and ...



the moon

it is the moon
that has come to comfort
the night,
singing of the mysteries
that lay a moment away
in the days to come,
where even the shadows
are glowing

~simcha wasserman

mute monday

theme ~ food & drink

my fever-addled brain

massacre of the innocents by giovanni pisano

that's the sort of visions a saw last nite (thursday), whenever i closed my eyes, in the throes a surreal, fever-driven panic. fever + panic attack = bad night. its weird, how one moment you feel only as though 'coming down with something' ... and then the next, you feel as though someone has dragged you into the 5th circle of hell. one has awareness of one's illness ... however, when the full impact of sickness strikes, we cannot feel prepared. and ... what a wonder of physiology - pyrexia. a simple matter of a few degrees hotter delineates the line that separates sanity from insanity. feeling simultaneously hot and cold. feeling abject terror and sadness ~ at once. but those visions ... and accompanying voices ... nothing worse. each time i grasped sleep, the visions, voices and then the panic elephant awoke me. i felt like i had an elephant sitting on my chest. it took me at least an hour, and every pillow in the house, to build a pillow tower on the sofa so i could sleep sitting up. alas, i only wanted to put my head down. but the panic made my soul wanna jump out of my body. i fell asleep with the rosary in my grip. i can't remember having a worse night. really. talk about the dark night .... grrrr. me hates being sick.

yeah. so ... roxanne has some weird pneumonia.