Mad Hatter Syndrome?

Unless you have lived in a remote cave, or under a large rock, for the past many years, then you have heard the phrase mad as a hatter ... and know the beloved Alice in Wonderland character Mad Hatter. So ... WTF does it mean, mad as a hatter?

A hatter, well that's the poor sop who used to make hats, felt hats, specifically. The best sorts of felt hats required fur from beaver or rabbit pelts. And, of course, the fur from the pelts need processing in order to become a hat. By processing, of course we mean the addition of some kind of unfriendly chemicals. (Are there any other kind of chemicals, but the unfriendly kind, i ask you, dear reader?) Mercury applied to the fur made it rougher, matted ~ you know, to harden the fur so the hatter could shape it, iron it, steam it into its finished form, usually a top hat.

Hatters typically worked in poorly ventilated areas, and so the fumes from the mercury compound literally went to their heads. Ahhh, the pleasantries of mercury poisoning: brain damage ... kidney damage ... a painful death, sooner rather than later. What does that look and feel like? Like this ~ yellowing of skin, intense itchiness, loosening of teeth, mouth sores, bleeding gums, loss of co-ordination, slurred speech, and personality changes such as irritability, paranoia, memory loss, depression, anxiety, abdominal cramping, breathing difficulties, cardiac malfunction, muscle cramps. You get the idea, right? Sounds charming, huh? [NOT]

A so, now you know what Mad as a Hatter means. Makes one value sanity, doesn't it? Indeed, it does. It reminds one, too, of the pain of madness. Yes, it hurts when one is mad ... insane ... unstable ... mentally ill. Make no bones about it.

Break-up Songs - Get Angry, Not Soppy!

.. a PLINKY post ...

This post answers the PLINKY prompt that asks bloggers, 'Name three songs to help you get over a break-up.' The prompt also asks what makes these good post-break-up songs.
Haven't heard of PLINKY? It's fun, and maybe helpful if you have blogger's block.

1. I Hate Myself for Loving You by Joan Jett & the Blackhearts

2.You're So Vain by Carly Simon
3. Delia's Gone by Johnny Cash

The song titles explain themselves, don't they? I remember listening to the first song on the back seat of my friend's mustang, on a ghetto blaster, coming home from the bar on a Saturday night. Oh, the crazy things we do we we're twenty-something! The second song's a classic break-up song, ain't it? The third song is one for the boys - :^)

And ... I can think of another song ~ Wrapped Around My Finger, by The Police. I have always loved the esoteric, almost arrogant tone of the lyrics.

i ride polar bears?

i have been very very sick with a pneumonia that had me hospitalized for 4 days.

blahhhh ~ i am sooooo tired, and weak.

ahhhh ~ but i am slowly on the mend. missing you all and thinking of you.

Manic Mondays # 1 :: Suicide and Stigma

Manic Mondays, my attempt to devise a vehicle for myself through which I can write focussed posts on what it feels like, looks like, tastes like, smells like to live with mental illness.  First and second experience will inspire these posts. I want to make these posts deeply personal, rather than clinical or medical.

A good friend of mine who was bipolar recently hung himself. He had struggled for awhile, following the holiday season. I think he reached that point that some of us reach, where we know we need something ... some sort of relief. But ... something keeps us from reaching out and grabbing it. Fear, perhaps, of the exhausting stigma and judgmental attitude one faces, when one seeks the so-called help the mental health system offers its victims. We get tired of hanging on to the rocky cliff. And we let go. And they blame us ... for feeling the feelings, for having the thoughts, for seeking relief. Its almost as though, because we cannot see the wounds of those afflicted with mental illness, we blame them for their illness. Like, c'mon, snap out of it, stop being depressed! How many have heard that one before?

Do we, as a society, think and believe we're doing all we can to stop this from happening? When did we last hear about a revolutionary breakthrough in psychiatric treatment? How much of society's resources goes toward R&D of mental illness and psychiatric treatment? Not enough, I fear, particularly when one considers the invisible virulence and life-threatening nature of diseases such as bipolar disorder and schizophrenia.

can we play something else?

I don't know why you did what you did

does it hurt for you, still

like it hurts for us

left to mourn

and grieve

and wail

and scream?

or ...

in several instances of

carefully planning your death

did you cast out your pain

onto the living?

i don't know

why you did what you did.

distance provides me reprieve

alienated. by the dysfunctional dynamic that threatened to shatter my sanity into one million little pieces. the revolving door of hospital admission continues for my dad. i really think my mum needs placement. if she does not get placed, my father will die in her service.