spellbound

and heartbroken. i sat in victory park, on one of those cold metal benches. umbrella in hand. i sat there. while torrents of rain poured from the sky. raindrops, so big, their impact on my skin made a sound. it felt cold, i felt minute ice pellets in the rain. and everyone that passed me by - scurrying between the raindrops - they all looked at me like i had a horn growing out of my head, what? you've never seen a lonely girl, sitting in a torrential downpour, smoking a reefer in the early afternoon? i'm spellbound by this impending emptiness that lurks around the corner of next week. i'm spellbound .... by the threatening loneliness that looms across the skies of my soul. spellbound by .... the chaos of broken glass that i feel, digging in ... embedding themselves into my consciousness.

my nose hurts. it hurts inside. i'm suddenly regretting having burned out the innards of my nasal passages on a several-month-long cocaine binge last year. perhaps right about now all that tissue that leeched from my nose in bloody droplets and shreds .... perhaps it would somehow come in handy right about now, when my nose burns, burns, burns like it lives in a ring of fire? perhaps. sad thing is ... if several rales suddenly materialized in front of me ... i would not hesitate to snort them. after all that ... i still would.

spellbound ... by life ... the universe ... humanity ... my self.

that's all.