to know you

[its possible to love another spirit ... another heart ... another mind ... without carnal ever entering the fold. it takes a certain sort of soul to have the capacity to love like this. enchanting ... to say the least. and so ... here is an old piece of mine that i have dusted off, and edited just a teensy bit ... its a little something about meeting such a spirit.]

i want to know you. to understand you. and the words that tumble from your lips in a sweet, silent melody heard only by my heart and soul. i will drink them in, slowly, and they will fall into my soul like drops fall from honeycombs. and i will treasure the moments as they trickle past me. and i will treasure you.

my axons and dendrites will glow in your essence. will you bathe in the streaming light of my gentle adoration? will you let me touch that swirling, spinning locus at your very core, and stroke it so very tenderly? on their wings, your words carry lucious tendrils of you and i feel a flutter in my chest as they embrace my own.

cold fury - i wear it like a corset. it constricts my very essense - stuffs it all behind a stiff, unforgiving shield. its my face to the world-at-large: my suit of armour. in my cyborgish and mundane existence within the hive-mind that is the world-at-large, i lead. i shoulder live-and-die responsibilities. commit life-altering actions. witness soul crushing pain.

i've felt crushed. suffocating ... beneath the weight of my own cold fury. suffocating - the same way a hard, thick scab suffocates tender, growing tissue lying underneath. will you look at me, eye-to-eye ... heart-to-heart ... so that i may see the blossoming dawn in your gaze? so that this mask i wear will fall away from me, shattered? will your heart lavish the affection and the adoration i crave from safe and guiding presence? i want to trust that your hands and heart move with a gentle grace and deftness that leave my tender, pulsing and raw essense without track marks or debridement.

i am unsure. afraid of the dark. of monsters under the bed. and of spirits that haunt me while i sleep. i seek guidance. reassurance. validation, even. and a strong, safe and gentle hand to stroke my soft and shiny, dark curls. with your gentle guidance and sublime adoration will you release the spring long shut-up inside me? will you drink the sweet elixir from my fount, as you release my heart from its bondage?

i want to know you. to understand you. and the words that tumble from your heart in a sweet, silent lyric heard only by my own. i will drink them in, slowly, and they will fall into my soul like drops fall from honeycombs. we will revel in our connection, as our spirits embrace and grow in light and love. and my fear? it will crumble, falling away from me the way sand slips through fingers. and then ... once your essence has emblazened itself upon my own ... and then, will i know you?