Monday, December 29, 2008

denial

Monday, December 29, 2008
the air stagnates here ~ so much denial everywhere. i can barely breathe in this place. i have a crushing headache. patience escapes me at some key moments. i feel a bit like a caged lion. beholden to the clocks of others. caught in a ridiculous family dynamic of building empires and carving a path to martyrdom. heaven forbid that i should interfere with someone's ticket to martyrdom! i feel like a mule. i feel alone. tired. angry ... so angry at all the denial that surrounds me.

i want to give up ... but i do not want to run away.

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