post number ...

... and i feel like a pair of deflated boxing gloves, left on the shelf to rot.

this date ... this very date ... weighs on my mind. one year ago tonight ... that's when i left. funny ... how the passage of 365 days seems to make no difference in so many ways. or perhaps this ... this is payback? if you believe in that sort of thing. maybe this - feeling i have - 'left on the shelf to rot' - maybe its kharma. maybe its fate's payback for my behaving so badly 1 year ago. maybe ... maybe i'm meant to now assume the role of receiving - receiving the pain i dished out 1 year ago.

i suppose, then, i have only myself to blame. i made my bitter pie. now i gotta eat it?

funny - i do not really believe that. but - i have no other explanation to offer.

and soon ... oh so soon ... i will stop seeking any explanations. i will stop bothering to reach out to the one of whom i speak.

i tire of this. really, really tire of this -- neglect i feel. and have felt everyday for several weeks. today ... i have the distinct feeling of my skin disintegrating, right before my very eyes. i feel powerless to stop it. i feel powerless ...

just me. togetherness - unity - its a load of fucking BULLSHIT. just another one of those lies society's always trying to shove down our gizzards. or so it seems. to me @ this moment. i am just me. that's all i am. alone. no skin. the skin - i think its an illusion. its non-existent for me, right @ this moment. i have no connection. just the illusion of a connection. and it leave me feeling sad and insignificant.

that's all.