the blindness of abundance

an eagle in brackendale, british columbia
photo by living wilderness and found on flickr

[NB: part 2 of silver harbour will return tomorrow ...
this post, inspired by AUNTY,
just demanded itself and so i share it with you.]

"I'se wearin' these ashes for the times I did the least I could git away with when I shoulda and coulda done a heap more. Fer the days I'se mewlin' around thinkin' about what I did not have when I have such a wealth of love and light and laughter that I need ter count my blessin's, but was blind to 'em. These ashes keep me from flights of fancy about my own worthiness.

"Why Lent is a time we'uns is called away from our self-absorption, excesses, and petty complaints about each 0ther. We'uns is called out of our dark lairs, out of our comfort zones, out of the moldy corners where we hide what we don't want to admit about ourselves--Ya' could say Lent is a house cleanin'! We are called in from the cold, off the moor, out of alienation, away from the precipice.....invited to come sit by warmth and light of the hearth, be kind to our neighbor, do good to our crotchety boss, forgive our mother-in-law, encourage the fainthearted, console the grieving....see how we can be good and useful to those around us.

"These ashes remind me that I did not make myself ...

a certain aunty belle wrote this ... on mardi gras. sure ... we all know mardi gras - which means 'fat tuesday.' and which really is the party to end all parties .... before the more serious and contemplative lenten season descends upon us. but .... do those of us who believe (or even sort of believe) really stop and think about exactly how lent translates itself ... manifests itself in our everyday existence?

i have been around this place for over a year now. and have known you all in some capacity or another. but ... in all my self absorbed, dark-stroking, alienated and arrogant posturing ... i failed to know you, really. the simplest ... most obvious little details, little hints of you ... that fell within my grasp throughout this past year ... i am ashamed to admit i did not see these. i, roxanne, who does not miss a beat, or so they say. and i have been blind. to the splendour that's so close, its gonna poke me in the eye! weeeeellll ... the dawn breaks ... AND ... i see ... little by little. ever-so-slowly. i see.

thank you all. as i battle my own crazy-making demons, i want to be a better blogging neighbor ... friend ... human ... and ... helper to you all. the cravings for the drug are strong. they are purely emotional. pyschological ... they leave me feeling like the little child that's been deserted. i know i am not that child. and i am certainly anything but alone. still, the funk of all that is lurking.

my rosary sits on the windowsill. like some sort of talisman or dreamcatcher. will it catch the bad energy and spirits? only if i use it. [here's a confession - when i am in the throws of physical pain ... or abject fear ... i unconsciously begin reciting the "hail mary ..." - its not even a conscious choice i make. its something i just do.] when i venture outside ... i gaze up at our lady of the holy rosary. perched way up high, on the grand stone wall of the cathedral ... centred between the bell towers. she's wearing her golden crown and she's clutching her golden rosary. i gaze ... and wonder ... and contemplate. in wonderment. and awe. i sometimes do not know that i know what i believe.

what i believe. what i believe? its .... all of YOU.
and ... also, that dog is g-d backwards.
and ... that this is not a coincidence.
for, a sacred, special spirit lurks within dog.

a portrait of my late 'brownie'
artist: laura pelick